May 01, 2005
In which she's very, very alone
I have amazing friends and we have a fabulous time when we are together, but sometimes I still feel lonely. I don't know, maybe it's because Jessica and Marc are approaching their one year anniversary, Brandon in constantly hooking and unhooking, Tom has the baby and Ann and Jason are getting ever more serious, and I'm just alone. It's like everyone is moving on with their lives and I'm still just stuck here. Maybe I've been spending so much time focused on getting my life together that I've neglected the extraneous parts. And maybe I just don't want to admit to myself that I'm lonely, but I am. I am lonely.
She closes a book by Gloria Steinem
Drops another quarter in the laundry machine
Picks up a magazine
Turns to the cover story
It says 200 ways to find your man
Oh no Monday morning
Women filing in
Same question
How was your weekend
So she picks a lie to satisfy
Says it was great
I think I've finally found a way to find my man
Nobody wants to know that you're lonely
Nobody wants to know that you're afraid
They want to hear the sun will shine
Clouds won't rain
Everything's gonna be o.k.
Nobody wants to know that you're lonely
Lonely
I miss having that one perfect person to share myself with. Except, with me, nothing is ever perfect because I can't ignore people's flaws. There is always something that bothers me. He chews noisly, he cracks his knuckles, he likes bad movies, or any one of a million things that I just cannot stand. And supposedly, these "flaws" are what's supposed to make someone more attractive, but to me, they just make him annoying. And even if I actually do try to ignore these things, it eats away at me more and more until I just end up being a big huge bitch to them so they never want to talk to me again, and in a way, problem solved.
It's exactly what happened between Sam and me, and it's also what happened between Ryan and me, and between a million other guys and me. And that sentence just made me sound like a complete whore even though, I assure you, I'm not. And Sam and Ryan were two completely different situations, but I still turned them to shit. I'm like Midas, except instead of everything I touch turning to gold, it turns to shit. Everything I touch turns to shit.
He made it through another night
Another night without calling her
But the word on the street is
She's found another
They say she's calling this guy her best friend
But that used to be me he screams
Hand in hand she told me
I was her destiny
But nobody's listening
Nobody pulled over for this accident scene
Nobody wants to know that you're lonely
Nobody wants to know that you're afraid
They want to hear the sun will shine
Clouds won't rain
Everything's gonna be o.k.
Nobody wants to know that you're lonely
Lonely
You know what my other problem is? I'm a great friend. This seems like it would be a positive quality rather than a flaw, but when it comes to guys and me, it's a definite flaw. I always end up becoming "best friends forever" with any guy I meet. Either I turn into the girl they bring their relationship problems to, or I get to know them too well, and then I don't want anything more than friendship. Either way, all the guys I end up meeting seemed destined for a one-way, nonrefundable ticket to friendship-vile. I guess I should go out, buy twenty cats right now, and just accept the inevitable future.
No I'm not sorry
That I'm about to disappoint you
Crossing over the river Jordan
Heading back to the bayou
I'm tired of this push and shove
This jockeying for a place in a race
Supposed to be about loving
I'm fed up with standing here
Waiting to see if I get to be
The last man picked for your team
Nobody wants to know that you're lonely
Nobody wants to know that you're afraid
They want to hear the sun will shine
Clouds won't rain
Everything's gonna be o.k.
Nobody wants to know that you're lonely
But you're lonely anyway.Lyrics from Nobody Wants To Know by Brian Perry
zappagrrl at 10:25 p.m.