April 01, 2005
In which she's apathetic
A new month is upon us and still I am feeling incredibly stagnant. No new prospects on the job horizon, and the fall can't come soon enough.
I have decided on taking summer classes, but I haven't decided how many or which ones to take. I am torn between taking the classes that I HAVE to take and taking the classes that I want to take. The problem is that I hate wasting my time and that has been the stumbling block preventing me from finishing college in a timely manner. The other problem is that there is a major discrepancy between the classes I feel I need to take and the classes the college tells me I need to take. Thus, back to problem number one.
I was watching That 70's Show the other day and they had this flash-forward thing about Eric's life and where he'll be in ten years and it just made me think, what if I'm nowhere ten years from now? What if I'm still stuck here, stagnant and lost? And no matter how many times I tell myself there is no chance of that happening, doubt creeps in and I begin to wonder how crappy my life might actually turn out to be.
My 21st birthday is just around the corner (as in next Tuesday) and I don't even care. It just doesn't seem like the milestone I thought it would be. More than anything, I just want it to be over. I'm not a huge drinker, well not anymore anyway, so it's not that big to me. Sure it would be nice to enjoy a cocktail with dinner once in a while or whatever, but I really don't care that much. Brandon can't wait until his birthday, which is also coming up soon. He just wants to get belligerent legally. And I don't get it. I mean I know the 21 crawl is a rite of passage or whatever, but I just don't see the point in making a fool of yourself in public. I'm am completely capable of making a fool of myself in the privacy of my own home, I don't, however, need to share that fact with the entire college population of Kalamazoo. So far, the celebration is limited to a celebratory drink Monday at midnight and a family dinner at this restaurant downtown. There are tentative plans for some big bar hopping extravaganza the following weekend, but I'm beginning to think I'd be in favor of blowing that off for something more meaningful, and infinitely more tasteful. I might be more inclined to want to "Part-ay" if I was at a different point in my menstrual cycle, but I really don't think so. More than anything, I just want to not have to worry about it anymore. So cheers to me...at least next Monday at midnight!
zappagrrl at 3:03 p.m.